Description Puts the Reader Into the Story

Description is an important element of the craftsmanship of writing. Description is the means by which the writer conveys the setting to the reader. In the sentence, “Harry entered the room,” the reader does not have much material for his own mental picture of the situation. That sentence needs to be embedded in or to follow after considerable detail about the room, and about Harry himself. Descriptive features come out in conversation, interior dialogue, or simple narration that reads like a description of a panoramic photo. Harry’s clothes might be revealed in comments by people he meets or in views as he passes a mirror. There are many ways to give the reader clues that bring the story to life in his head.

Description is also the way the reader experiences emotions. Readers cannot picture what is happening when the writer says, “Nellie fell in love for the first and last time when she was only thirteen years, 4 months and 6 days old,” but that sentence prepares the reader to see some evidence. If the writer never backs up such a statement with scenes that reveal the state of her heart, then the reader will start doubting that the writer has anything worthwhile to say.

Ultimately, description is the writer’s means of embedding the reader in the story. The plot intrigues the reader, but description invites the reader into the story. A cozy cottage in the woods, a grand palace, a glass tower, a raging tempest – images beckon the reader to come along and get involved. When the writer says, “It was excruciatingly painful,” the reader says “Ho hum.” The reader feels the pain when the writer says, “The first blow took his breath, the second split his cheek, and the third filled his mouth with blood and broken teeth,”  When the reader opens a book and begins to read, he actually wants very much to be transported into the story. A book that takes the reader away becomes a book the reader cannot put down. That is the book he tells his friends to buy.

We commonly believe that the best way to describe something is to look at it and write what we see. When I was a little girl, my mother had a pink dress that I loved. I coveted that dress, even though it would not have fit me; I was nine years old. That did not impede my yearning whatsoever. This magnificent dress had a Peter Pan collar and cap sleeves, and it buttoned all the way down the front. While I admired the color with my whole heart, I admired the buttons with devout frenzy. Each button was a pearly, plastic square with a single rhinestone right in the middle. They were the first buttons I had ever seen that had a shank instead of holes through the center for thread. The thread that attached these buttons to the dress was not visible, and the shank kept them from lying flat against the fabric. When I viewed them with adoring eyes, it seemed to me that they floated on air. I just knew that my miserable childhood would vanish like the morning mist if I could only wear that dress.

I write about the dress today by remembering how it felt to stand in the closet and look at that dress. I remember how beautiful I thought it looked when my mother wore it. I actually thought people all over town must envy her when she wore that dress. An object like a dress can be described by telling the reader how it looked.

Some things are best described by what happens when they act. For example, to describe the wind, you must look at everything else; you must describe what it does to things. Jesus knew about this problem. He said, “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes” John 3:8 ESV. Wind is the movement of air, and we cannot see air. We can, as Jesus remarked, hear the sound of it, and we can see what it does. A writer can describe the roaring of wind in a storm, or the whisper of an evening breeze. A scene takes on vividness when it is filled with uprooted trees and houses toppled off their foundations. The writer can make wind real to the reader by describing what it does.

The same thing is true of emotions. Emotions are not visible, but we can see the effect of emotion in someone’s behavior. Mindful of the guide to “show, not tell,” a writer who portrays the actions that betray love, hate, mourning, anger, and so forth requires the reader to observe and draw conclusions. Readers like to be engaged. They like to think that they have figured out how the central character feels. If the writer simply says, “Her heart was filled with grief,” the reader is left to wonder how he can be sure of it. A writer who says, “Marcy was gripped immediately by terror,” is handing the reader an opinion, but if the writer says, “Marcy tried to run, but it took all her effort to lift one foot and set it in front of the other. She wanted to find a way out, but she could not tear her eyes away from his eyes,” then we know that terror has paralyzed Marcy.

Likewise, to describe the Holy Spirit, you must look at everything around Him and describe what he does to things or people. It is a real challenge to describe the work of the Holy Spirit in someone’s life. Something as dramatic as the events when Peter preached at the home of Cornelius is unique and wonderful, but the truth is that nobody saw the Holy Spirit; they saw what happened in people’s lives because of it. Luke writes that, “the believers from among the circumcised who had come with Peter were amazed, because the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out even on the Gentiles. For they were hearing them speaking in tongues and extolling God” Acts 10:45-46 ESV. On this magnificent day, it was obvious that the Holy Spirit had arrived, even though nobody saw him.

Secular thinkers scoff at the very existence of the Holy Spirit, precisely because the Spirit cannot be measured or weighed. They allege that he cannot be observed, and therefore, he does not exist. Writers must borrow the wisdom of Christ, who compared the work of the Spirit with the evidence of the existence of wind. Writers who chronicle the work of the Spirit over a period of years in a person’s life, something that happens much more often than the dramatic event in Cornelius’ home, must carefully tease out the evidence of growing faith and maturing wisdom. Without bludgeoning the reader with “The Holy Spirit told her to be patient,” the writer must lead the reader to see that this is exactly what is happening. A writer who wants to make the Holy Spirit real to her readers must show the reader what the Holy Spirit is doing.

To speak of the ineffable, you must describe something observable, something measurable, something palpable. Writing about spiritual growth is a lot like writing romance. It is tempting to say what is obvious. When a man becomes infatuated with a woman, everyone knows. It cannot be hidden. Yet it isn’t because he has sprouted a sign that says, “I can’t live without Alicia.” It is his behavior that betrays his adoration.

The same is true of someone who has “fallen in love” with the Holy Spirit. The Song of Solomon is a hard book for some Christians, because it so vividly describes how it feels to be infatuated with the Holy Spirit. The use of the very real language of human love makes the text too intense and personal for many people. Christian writers struggle with such language, fearful of evoking unholy lusts if they write something too graphic.

I read many Christian books in the course of a year. The most persistent problem I observe is a failure to show the reader what is going on. There is a lot of preaching, but readers do not buy fiction in order to be preached at. They buy fiction to get out of the present reality into another world. It is fine for that world to be complicated as long as the writer lets them actually see it. If the writer simply says, “He was a disgusting, evil man,” the reader will ask, “How do I know you are right?” The writer must be willing to show the reader enough truth about the man that the reader, reviewing the book, will be the one to say, “He was a disgusting, evil man,” a conclusion drawn from the writer’s skillful portrayal of the character.

Setting, emotions, and spiritual growth are story elements that change a story from mediocre to marvelous. For these elements to serve the reader well, the writer must know how to tailor descriptions that bring the story to life. Well, that’s the way I see it.

by Katherine Harms, author of Oceans of Love available for Kindle at Amazon.com.